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Archive for the ‘Humor/Humor’ Category

I started out blogging this year about truth. My truth was tested and I passed. But no one cared or noticed. I wanted a pat on the back for it and maybe a ceremony that had me cutting a ribbon with a gigantic scissor. Wow, since when did my ego get involved in my truth? Or since when did my values turn into a multiple personality issue? I can hear Madea sayin’ “was an otter-body axperance”.  I love Madea, but I don’t think I embody her in or outer-body experiences. 🙂

I was happy I had some good things happen to me in 2012, but lemme tell ya how I have officially been screwed as well in the 2nd week of the year. Hello..! Someone has bullied me into letting them take my money and it was nowhere near my fault. IN this life “Los justos pagan por los pecadores.” The just pay for the sinners. And maybe this is the case. You do your best to keep your FICO score up high, and you pay a lot in cash to avoid using credit and the 1 day you write a check to someone and BAM! You are accused and terminated from DAYCARE without a sit down conversation, because someone else screwed the trust up for future people. “NO SOUP FO” YOU!” I am stunned in WTF-just-happened Land.

I am conflicted with relief I am out of a weird contract that charges and /or has you bound to a 2 month notice or be charged; And I am angered because I wasn’t very happy after my original daycare lady decided to merge with another one in the neighborhood, because funny things started to happen.

First, my little one had bruises that were not logged, and oh… no one knew where they came from.

Second, we had to pick up the children early even though the contract was for 7am – 5pm. Uh, we got 2 traffic tickets trying to get there on time and it wasn’t even 4:50 PM. We still got the stink eye for it. I felt like my daycare ladys’ “heart deposits” were losing points or going in the negative. So, I felt like I had to make it up somewhere, so I would pick up the little guy early when I thought of it. Nope! To her that doesn’t count. Like “you aren’t doing me any favors.”

Third, recently the little guy was potty trained. I was super excited because he is 3 years and 4 months old, and he was difficult on that segment of parenthood. So, when we noticed the little guy was sleeping through the night dry, and actually getting up to go potty and telling us every time he went, we sent the little one in his new and cool undies that he picked out himself. I believe it was a Tuesday, I couldn’t get up because I was up late studying and I picked him up that afternoon. I don’t know about you, but I was a bit more bothered (I was livid on the inside) than normal when the Daycare lady says “well he was brought in with out a pull up on so I put one right on his undies. Then I realized he had long johns and pants and that made 4 layers so I left him in the long johns. 4 layers is a bit much, right?” Am like “what?” You know what, if you have an issue with me bringing my potty trained child in and you are unsure if he can handle it, Please call me first. Don’t torture my kid for my mistakes.

What got me feeling that I was different was when I tried being nice and doing quick conversation, the daycare lady simply walked away saying “oh really, yeah, yeah, yeah.” What kind of dismissal was that? Hey, you don’t have to tell me twice. That had me preparing for a non-renewal with these Daycare chickies. I started looking around, the next thing I know I am in a text accused of writing a check to a closed account.I knew had an account open and in good standing, so I gave them a whole months last payment in cash, since I had given them my notice in October. But when I pick up my child, I am so worn out from the stress because no one wants to speak with me and BELIEVE me, BAM! I don’t even see it comin’.  I am wrongfully terminated and wrongfully charged. I am given part of my money and the returned check charged to me and an additional penalty charge was ON THERE. I felt defeated, because she was adamant “It’s your problem, not mine!” “No, It’s your bank that made the error” I said. I just didn’t want to fight anymore.

The next day I look in the envelope of cash, and the receipt of the returned check is not in there. So I ask for it and wait another day. When I receive it and read it, in plain text was the error. Instead of the my check account number 1234567, it showed the closed account was 1234578. Silence, and then anger made my hands move towards the telephone and dial her number and tell her. “Hello Mrs. Jane Doe, you need to look at your statement there and compare my check and the 3rd segment of the statement reflecting the closed account. You will see that you owe me an apology, and the return of the wrongful charges you have made to me. Otherwise, I will have to in my right use the right resources to resolve this issue.

Today I couldn’t wait so I called her bank and spoke to the manager and the regional rep and asked them to either do a 3 way call explaining to her that it was their mistake and I wanted a letter from the bank with an explanation of the mistake. Well, the bank called her, Do you think she has had the courtesy to call me and apologize? No. Instead, I got a text “I prefer not to have anymore communication.” I think I will give her the benefit of the doubt of 2 days. After that I think I may make a bigger stir about things since it is a real business and it was their mistake and their problem, and they pretty much stole from me, and who knows who they told. I don’t want to mention their childcare name since I don’t know if it’s unlawful, plus I am expecting to hear from them. Maybe there is a purple unicorn in there somewhere. 😀

You know, I am glad that even though my economy isn’t doing that well as them, that I can still make sure I pay all my bills, and not bounce any checks. Yet, I do not feel satisfied. Is it really the principle? I don’t know, but my truth ego wants my $50 bucks back, biznatch! LOL!

Has this happened to you? Comments, council and advice is open.

Reference: “heart deposits” from His needs Her needs. Good book. Also see His needs Her needs for Parents.

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http://www.ozfoxes.com/fp/fp-1328.jpg

Open mouth insert foot.

Am in this Workshop about Career Transitions, and the guy, Mr. Instructor is mentioning how Facebook can ruin your credibility and reputation. Now we know that and when we have a job some us don’t care and get away with it. However, when you are unemployed, making a transition in life and searching for employment, you Must be careful because Google, MSN, and My space can impose a on a big decision on getting hired.

How? You may ask. Well businesses are checking you out,riiiight? And they want to be sure the person their hiring is going to represent the company not only themselves. I mean, just be safe everything is happening online now. And you have to be very thoughtful, and careful. Just like think before you talk, think before you type.

ANYway…So back to the workshop. He says “you can friend us or “like” us (the company) on facebook or whatever page” and I pipe up with my funnies totally clean mind you, me being me, trying, TRYING–to be funny. Now, I am generally a quiet person, and when around people I try to be friendly with others to help them be comfortable because I was once shy, too. So I say “Yeah, I like you here too. (ha ha ha).  I can friend you on Linked in, Friend you on facebook, My space, I can basically like you here and not like you on facebook, I can also “like” you on MyFace, and I didn’t say “MyFace.com”” And again I got a group laugh. Now if you have read my blog “Puerto Rican Movers, you may have read about the cross-eyed crab story.  And here I am again. Something that I have joked a lot with and used before, like egg on my face. You know what? I think I will just blog on my new space called “MyEggOnMyFace.com” for everyone to share their embarrasment.

ANYways… he turned red and laughed to himself. And that is when I realized what I said and the back tracking was the saddest.

Me:”I can like you on my face.”

Him: (Nothing, grin, holding his laughter. Looking down to his paper)

Me: What? OH, no! I didn’t meant it that way. NO… I said that in combination of My Space and Facebook. That was not what I meant.

Him: “With that, I think it’s a good time for a break.”

Me:  Typing “OMG! I have done th biggest “fuax pa”. And I can’t take the words back!!! ARGH!!!

Me: Daggummit I spelled it wrong!!!! I need chocolate.

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

La Frau

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Anybody remember “Deep thoughts  by Jack Handy” on SNL?  I liked the show for it’s random humor. I loved it unconditionally throughout my life. Jack Handy came up with his Deep thoughts that were random and completely messed up, as if someone was writing in their diary. They just either made me smile, but mostly shocked me and made me laugh a lot. So I took a liking to Random thoughts from my mother, co-workers who have a hard time keeping conversation. Some of these co-workers just popped out saying the strangest things that ought to be internal thoughts, but they seem to noy understand why, and they say them out loud. My thought process, as I write this, is that they may have thought “hey she’s just like me”, and that’s why they tell me things. But that’s besides the point. And if they did I hope I made them feel normal AND sexy, too. 😀

ANYways, … Sometimes, I see the internet that way too. Random forums, news, comedy, education, unecesarry pictures that I can’t erase from my memory, with just a button that says “Restore to latest configuration”.  It doesn’t matter what it is, “there is an app for that too.”

So here I am being resourceful and I look up the real purpose of the references, because someone told me today that references are not important. That they are just part of the process and tha’s why HR does it, still. IF you ave your thoughts on that topic great I want to hear it. BUT, I stumbled upon another site ‘Ace the Interview’ and noticed a tab called the Top 100 Questions and Answers. So, you guessed it! I clicked, and the first question, as random as it is says…

Question: “Describe a chicken using a programming language.”

If I got  aquestion like this, I would come up with my own, but I know I could not be serious as the interviewer, nor the people that came up with this:

Answer 1: -chicken is a function which takes argument as grain type and returns egg.

egg chicken(grain x);

Answer 2:A keyboard is placed in front of the cage. Every time a key is pecked a seed will eject. Initially, code will not compile.

However, if an infinite number of chickens peck away at the keyboards for an infinite amount of time, it is theorized that eventually the random pecking will produce an algorithm to finally prove which came first….

Answer 3-::chicken is a function which takes argument as grain type and returns egg.

::egg chicken(grain x);

I beg to differ…..

Chicken is a function which takes an argument as grain type and returns chicken shyt.

Answer 4:-It’s a trick question — chickens can’t program.”

The lastest one is a fact, it’s funny, and it is a good answer, according to the book “How Would You Move Mount Fuji? “. The hiring managers agenda is simple, they just wana see what makes you tick. 🙂

Keep It Simple Sam. 

Happy 1st day of Summer Everyone!

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Giving the economy we will most likely see carpool clubs showing up on billboards at work. If there is anything I have learned from car pooling, it would have to be the don’ts that were done to me with many people. Remember “Do on to others…”

Don’t…

  • smoke in their car
  • speak loudly or too soft
  • touch the radio station unless asked to change it to your liking
  • bring in your home mixed CD
  • pick your nose with bare hands
  • clean your ears with a q-tip and leave it in their car
  • fling dried mucus (boogers) into their car
  • eat food that spills in the car
  • eat foods the person traveling with you is allergic to
  • smoke marijuana and then get into your car-pool buddies car
  • be late
  • get in the car half-dressed
  • not take a bath or brush your teeth
  • wear your clothes straight from the laundry basket
  • blame it on the wife/husband or kids
  • ask your car-pool buddy to end their day short just for you plan ahead
  • talk sex— at all!
  • or try not to cry and spill your guts to your buddy (you’ll gty the loss of a buddy)
  • plan the drive home full of perfect moments of photography
  • not be fair on how many times you drive, take fair turns
  • Steal someones lunch and then bring it in the car and claim you “got lucky”
  • invite yourself over to their homes (just because you are sharing a ride doesn’t mean you are BFF!)
  • not wear your seatbealt
  • critisize their driving, if you don’t like itheir driving just drive yourself to work

Those are just a few for you carpoolers thinking of carpooling for the first time. Some may have to do a CORI prior. 🙂

Be kind to one another!!

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